How to handle bad news after so much hope

I don't think that anyone who hasn't walked this journey can understand how depressing it is to learn that cancer you thought was in remission has returned aggressively. I was feeling so strong and being able to play golf and pickleball very well, but small nagging pain over my shoulder and down my arm became increasing more persistent and painful as the days progressed. My oncologist talked with a neurosurgeon and he ordered more MRIs and X-rays. They showed that the tumor on C6 was growing and pressing on the nerves that go down my left arm. The neurosurgeon advised that there was no choice but surgery to try to get the tumor out as soon as possible before it begins pressing on the spinal column.

I was so depressed when I heard the news, but have pulled myself together and have a plan which helps in making myself be in the moment rather than worrying about the future. For now I am dealing with constant pain and the hopes that I can visit Jon, Lori and the kids in Washington DC before I head to Portland for the surgery.

Summer was a real high

I didn't realize that I hadn't put anything here since June. I had an amazing summer and am so grateful for that. I played a lot of golf. I seem to have lost a lot of my game during my year of IL-2 therapy but still could enjoy being out on a beautiful day with friends on the golf course. I joined a new team to play in the Corvallis Women's Best ball tournament and we ended up third out of 40 teams...lots of fun. Lynda Warren and I left the day after the tournament for a cruise from Moscow to St. Petersburg. It was a wonderful trip: great weather, amazing group, new friends, informative Russian tour guides, and lots of amazing places to visit and photograph.

I got home with two days to try to get over jet lag and do my laundry and headed to Palo Alto to my nieces wedding. It was such a lovely affair...just the wedding they wanted...in a redwood grove with a small group of family and friends...camping out and barbecuing food and just enjoying each others company.

Returned to Portland to have PET/CT scans. The great news was that they showed no new tumors... the disquieting news was that the uptake in my C6 vertebra was still there. I was overjoyed at the first news and didn't think too much about the second. I allowed myself to get hopeful that I might be one of the small percent of people who respond to IL-2 and go into complete remission.