Sometime early on in this journey I got a card with a picture of Mother Teresa on the front saying "I know that God trusts me" and inside it said "I only wish he didn't trust me so much!?
That is exactly how I feel right now. Things have been really rocky since I returned from Denmark. First I had the emergency surgery to remove the brain tumor. I felt that I was coming back from that. I made the decision to sell my house in Portland and move to a bigger apartment at Willamette View. It looked like the tumor might be growing back in the brain so I started treatment with Epilidimide.
Most people get though the four treatments with some diarrhea. But I developed a less common effect on the pituitary glad. First my thyroid shut down and I did not have enough energy to turn over in bed. I had to cut short my retreat with Phyl and Carolyn at the coast to come back and get treatment. Then the next week I had vomiting and had to come in for two days of fluids and anti-nausea medication. Some time during those two days I suffered a small stroke that effected the right side of my face. My right eye does not blink and I will probably have to wear some sort of protective patch and use artificial tears. I will have to see what the eye doctor says today. Also liquid and food can seep out of my mouth which makes it a challenge will eating or drinking. in company.
It is very hard not to get terrible discouraged and depressed. I feel so alone right now. I don't want to burden my kids any more than I already do and both of my adoring partners are gone. I heard yesterday that there is a support group for women with stage 4 cancer but it meets at a hospital clear across town and I don't know how I could get there. In order to keep moving forward, I am working on the new apartment and I will see how I might get to the support group as there is just too much negative going on right now and it is so hard to keep going. I know that each moment I have is a gift but appreciating that is harder and harder each day.
That is exactly how I feel right now. Things have been really rocky since I returned from Denmark. First I had the emergency surgery to remove the brain tumor. I felt that I was coming back from that. I made the decision to sell my house in Portland and move to a bigger apartment at Willamette View. It looked like the tumor might be growing back in the brain so I started treatment with Epilidimide.
Most people get though the four treatments with some diarrhea. But I developed a less common effect on the pituitary glad. First my thyroid shut down and I did not have enough energy to turn over in bed. I had to cut short my retreat with Phyl and Carolyn at the coast to come back and get treatment. Then the next week I had vomiting and had to come in for two days of fluids and anti-nausea medication. Some time during those two days I suffered a small stroke that effected the right side of my face. My right eye does not blink and I will probably have to wear some sort of protective patch and use artificial tears. I will have to see what the eye doctor says today. Also liquid and food can seep out of my mouth which makes it a challenge will eating or drinking. in company.
It is very hard not to get terrible discouraged and depressed. I feel so alone right now. I don't want to burden my kids any more than I already do and both of my adoring partners are gone. I heard yesterday that there is a support group for women with stage 4 cancer but it meets at a hospital clear across town and I don't know how I could get there. In order to keep moving forward, I am working on the new apartment and I will see how I might get to the support group as there is just too much negative going on right now and it is so hard to keep going. I know that each moment I have is a gift but appreciating that is harder and harder each day.
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